The Singaporean Chronicles

2003-06-03T00:51:00.000-07:00

I've been on MC for the past two days. I've had a really bad sore throat. Then today, when I went to see the doctor again to get another day's MC (the dr at my office is pretty stingy with MCs....so I went to the dr near my place). He suspects its tonsillitis, and he gave me some meds to reduce the swelling. I have to say it was pretty bad in the morning. In fact, the whole night, I kept having to wake up coz it was so painful. Then this morning, I was trying to eat breakfast, but everytime I swallowed, it was damn painful that I had to down the bread with water everytime (which was still painful btw). Then I was still contemplating whether I shld go to work today or not. Coz I'm actually on a client. But we're doing interim, so its not as heavy as the final audit. Plus, I'm supposed to be doing statutory reviews for the whole group of companies. Which is like 30+. I hope I can finish by Friday. The good thing is, its a pretty big team, like 5 of us, so I'm sure can delegate. :)

I just watched Bruce Almighty which I downloaded. Its pretty nice. Its like a romantic comedy. There was this part that totally reminded me of Alvin. Its like where Jennifer Aniston was praying for her to forget Bruce. I guess thats where I am. I just wanna forget about Alvin. It'll take time, but I'm sure I'll be able to in time. I'm like...50% there?

2003-06-01T07:17:00.000-07:00

Guess what? I just bought my first Gucci!! I take it that its my birthday present from myself, to myself. Hey, there's no rule which says we can't give ourselves presents rite? But of course, over-indulging is a different thing (eh, CH? :)). Its a Gucci pouch. ZLynn calls it a bum bag. Call it anything you want. I'll call it Gucci pouch. Hehe. :) Hope I get the opportunity to show it to you guys. I wanted to buy my mom this really nice Gucci bag too, but then the sales assistant said if you want to exchange, there's only a 10 day window to exchange it. I'm going back to KL sometime middle of June for my leave, so I thought I'll just buy it next week. Its really nice. It matches the colour of my pouch too. And its not too expensive. Its only $300+. I can afford that! :) Coz I've been saving more than 1/4 of my salary since January, so I've got quite a bit in my savings. :) Wanted to go overseas, but I thought, nah, might as well just spend it. Haha! I'm still looking at the LV wallet though. Its the same price as my pouch, so I thought I'd get the pouch first. Was looking at the Gucci wallet too, which is only $300+, but I think I prefer the LV one. Maybe bonus, if its sufficient? :) I doubt so though. :P

I've decided (well, 95% anyway), that I'm gonna apply for my Australian PR beginning of next year, and then go to Australia at the end of next year. Coz by then, I'll be a Senior Associate, and I'll be more marketable, and I reckon (and HOPE!!) that it'll be easier to get a job then. You know, what with the way the world's economy is getting from bad to worst. I pity those graduates who're graduating soon. Its gonna be VERY competitive, so those who're taking their exams soon, STUDY HARD and GOOD LUCK!! Our HR partner told us the other day that they usually take in around 200 fresh graduates annually, but this year, they're only offering around 100 vacancies. Thats really bad. EY is already overstaffed, so they're just gonna take minimal new graduates to fill in the places of the associates who're gonna get promoted. KPMG... that one no need to say la. It's presence here is quite small, so they're is a minimal impact. Deloitte...haha....seriously immaterial. So if you think about it, of the 400 accountancy graduates from NTU, more than 50% of them will have to find jobs elsewhere. Oh yeah, and we're not hiring from Australia this time also. The world's economy is really getting to the dumps. I'm just wondering if the worst is over, or is it just the beginning?

2003-05-27T07:16:00.000-07:00

It was my birthday yesterday. And for those of you who forgot...shame on u! :P Nola, but all of u remembered, u darling friends. Of course, some were better than the others. Like Ian, who called me. Was so surprised and touched. :)

I just have to tell u guys what happened to me while I was walking in Raffles City yesterday after work. I was walking toward the MRT station rite, when this woman, who was just standing outside The Body Shop (how apt!) came up and approached me. At that time, I was wearing my work clothes, and I looked pretty tired from work the whole day too. And I was drinking Miranda Orange which I bought. Anyway, she came up to me, and said she was a talent scout working for a modelling agency. But I'm so used to ppl coming to me trying to promote things, or asking for donations I just said "no thanks" without letter her finish her sentence. I only realised what she said when it was too late. Oh well, I've got a more stable job now. Don't need to be a model. :) But of course, I had a really big smile after that. :) I'm sure you guys can just imagine the wide grin I had on my face :D

Ooh, I just read Janice's blog and she dedicated her first entry line to me! For my birthday! Thanks gf!!! Felt so warm and happy.

Well, about my birthday, I'll tell you guys what happened the night before, on the 25th. It's more eventful than my birthday. My dancing partner and her mom threw me a birthday party and invited quite a few people from the dance studio over. It was a steamboat feast (sudddenly got reminded of how we'd stuff ourselves at Dragon Boat. Hehe. I remember the other time, Ian, Janice and I went there, we were eating like pigs! Total pigs! Janice said she'll never go again till a few months later. Ian and I both agreed. But of course, knowing the ultra pigs that Ian and I are, we went after maybe a month or so only. Hehe.). It was really good except I was feeling pretty bad. I mean I felt quite weak and all. I thought I had a fever. So after all that, I asked Iris (my dance partner) whether she had a thermometer. So I put it into my mouth, and it recorded 38.5 degrees! Now thats VERY hot ok (people with temperatures taken from the mouth above 37.4 degrees are considered to have fever...mine's a whole degree more than the normal)! She thought I was rubbing it thats why its so hot. I didn't say anything so as not to arouse suspicion. Anyway, I went home after that (Ah Yee and her family sent me home. Ah Yee is Iris' aunt...and she sayangs me very much! :) Maybe coz I get on very well with her children...Belle and Xavier, 8 yo and 12 yo respectively. Belle's so cute! Everyone teases her that she's my bf and she acknowledges it. Hehe), and went to see if there were any clinics around my area which were still open. Geez...have they ever head of a 24 hour clinic around here? So anyway, there wasn't, so I went home, drank lots of water, and went to sleep.

The next morning, i woke up and felt the same. But I had L&E that day, so I HAD to go to work. So I thought I'd just go to work earlier to take my temperature, coz they have a thermometer at work, and I didn't have one. But by the time I arrived at work, it was already 8.30. So didn't have time to take my temperature. But during L&E, I asked to be excused to go see the doctor. At the doctor's they take ur temperature before you go in to see the doctor. I told the nurse that I was feeling feverish. So I took my temperature, and it was 35.6 degrees. And I'm like...huh? And she's like...where got fever? That temperature means you're feeling cold la. Then she asked me to take it again, and this time to put it right under my tongue. So I did, and this time it recorded 36.3 degrees. Normal temperature. So I was like...cool. Maybe I'm just feeling like this due to the recent heat wave we had last week. And I'm pretty prone to all these heat waves. So yeah, must be due to the unnecessary stress i've been experiencing recently too.

I've written quite a lot this time. So maybe I'll tell you guys further about what else has been happening in my life that has been causing the stress next time. Bye! :)

2003-05-23T21:05:00.000-07:00

HI! A lot of you are asking why I havent' blogged for so long. It coz my life has just been so confusing the past few weeks that I didnt' think it was clear enough for me to put it into words. But I'll try my best to put down how the week has been.

Well, a lot of you would've known that I'm not with Alvin anymore. Its pretty weird. It just collapsed like that. I don't even know the reason why. He just became very distant and even when I called him, he would be very curt and just end the call ASAP. Even when I msg him, the msges are short...and thats IF he msges back. My pleas for him to return my clothes that I left at his place (esp the FCUK shirt that Kelvin, my best gay friend in Australia gave me!!! :( )remain unheard. I'm just wondering why he's doing this. Like, we can't even be friends after all this? I've to say that this attitute really turns me off, and I reckon I'm glad its over. Imagine being in a long term with someone like that! I'll only be hurting myself in the long run. Oh, and the weird thing is, I keep wanting to meet him to break up officially, like at least say... hey, this isn't working, let's just end it here or something. But he still doesn't wanna meet. So I'm like left hanging here. The good thing is that I've always kinda been weary of this relationship, so I didn't give all my heart to him. I've been holding back quite a bit. So I'm not that hurt. Just hmmm....maybe 1%? :)

On another note, I've met someone new. Mikey. :) He's hmm...younger? :) He's 18. He's really nice, but I think I'm being such an Alvin, coz I haven't been very receptive to his affections. I guess I'm not really ready to venture into new territory after that relationship with Alvin. So I told him (Mikey) that if he really wants a relationship with me, he's gotta wait. Wait for me to be ready to accept someone new into my life. And he said he would. But of course, we know that what someone says can always differ from what they do. Thats why I don't intend to make any false promises with anyone now. If I say I'd do something, I'll do it. Thats me anyway for those of u who know me. Don't like to break promises.

I think thats it for the mean time. I've got a hair appointment at this prestigious salon, Le Salon at Takashimaya at 2. Gotta get ready coz I haven't had lunch yet, and I'm pretty hungry.

2003-05-13T02:01:00.000-07:00

I bought 2 computer games in KL to entertain myself when I’m bored- Warcraft III (yes, I know some of you must be thinking, hey! That’s ages ago! But I’m a slow gamer k!!), and Command and Conquer- Generals (now, that’s a bit more recent isn’t it?). And I mean I’d prefer to go out and stuff than play computer games, but you know, sometimes when its really boring, and you’ve got nothing to do… play games la (at this moment, I’m thinking how bad and informal my English is compared to Janice’s). I played Warcraft III last night, till like 12.30 when I thought, hey, better go to sleep now before I get too tired to wake up tomorrow morning. Well, too late. It was hard for me to get up this morning coz was really tired. I mean, I was already dying yesterday from being overly exhausted. So I dragged myself out of bed to brush my teeth and shower. Came into work only around 9.15 (work starts at 8.30 btw :)). But I’m on Office Admin (OA) today, so that just means I’m attached to a secretary and do duh jobs like callovers, going to the filing room, typing pool, etc. Then today, I actually had to help a manager do his work visa for Myanmar coz he’s being seconded there for like 3 weeks. So obviously get the cheapest labour you can get in the office to do it, and guess who that happens to be :P

On a lighter note, I actually went before lunch to the Myanmar embassy and after that (not many people there btw), I went home for lunch and guess what? Played Warcraft III. Hehe. I’m being such a computer geek. Now I’m back in the office typing this up.

Going for dance practice later around 8.15. And then guess what? I’m gonna go home to play WarCraft III first. Hehe. Then its her aunt’s birthday today, and I’m quite close to their family now, so we’re gonna go for makan after dance practice. Can’t wait. Iris said she bought a blouse for Ah Yi (that’s what I call her aunt), and asked me to share. Its SGD 80, so I said ok. Last time in Melbourne, I recall that presents for my friends were capped at AUD 20. Hehe. A bit more la for some. Now its SGD 40 for Ah Yi! Its ok, they’re throwing a party for me for my birthday too. Can’t wait for that actually. :) Anyway, for those who don’t know, my birthday’s on 26 of this month (May)!! I’m turning 21. Feels like I’m still 18 though. Haha. My loins are beginning to work as if their 18. Haha! :)

2003-05-12T00:30:00.000-07:00

Am in the office now. Waiting for my colleague so can do callover together. KL was ok. I actually didn't go to LQ. I'm too embarassed to say where I went to. Its a pretty bad place. Very bad quality of guys to gawk at there. But I did see one that caught my attention. The typical pretty boy type. Hehe. Better than Austin I reckon...well, under the dim light of the place anyway. It was quite smoky in there too, and my eyes kept getting so tired while watching the show. It was one of the worst supposedly drag shows I've ever seen. I mean like they can't lip-synch to the songs, their dancing sucks as hell, their black bikinis are peeking out through their skin-coloured tights, and the male dancers are well... not so good looking, or well built. How I wish I was back in Melbourne, Sydney, or Adelaide then.

Thursday's a holiday. I was thinking of taking Friday off, but I'm not allocated to anything on Friday, so I might as well only take it in June so that I'll have a 10 days holiday. Might be going to Bali with Vira and Shinta if everything turns out well. Hope the boys are fine as the beaches there. :) Then Vira said I can go shopping with her sister if she's busy in Jakarta. And I'm like... Jakarta can shop one ar? :) We'll see.Then I'll spend the rest of my hols in KL or something. See how things go.

2003-05-09T00:28:00.000-07:00

Bored to my wits. I’m waiting for my client to email or fax me some schedules to do work, but he hasn’t. So I’m just waiting. *sigh* But today’s better. At least I understand what I’m doing. I’m doing consol for my client btw. It has 2 entities- Singapore and Malaysia. And he’s in Malaysia now, so we gotta communicate via email and phone calls. Its ok la. But I always prefer face to face dialogue.

Anyway, I’m going back to KL tonite. For Mother’s Day. And I’d like to wish all you Mothers-to-be a Happy Mothers Day (I don’t think my blog has a wide enough audience to reach those Mothers out there :) Not as lucky as Janice :)). Remember, one night of pleasure = few hours of pain = a lifetime of happiness. Well, that’s what my mom felt for sure. Hehe. :)

I feel so cool today. I’m wearing my red Ralph Lauren jacket at work. Its not that hot la, coz its been pretty cloudy and been rainy the whole day. Everyone must be envious. Haha! Perasan. :)

2003-05-06T05:39:00.000-07:00

Exam's over! Yay! But not yay too fast. I've got 3 clients lined up back to back over the next 3 weeks. Oh well, at least the administrator gave me 3 weeks off to study for my exam, now I should get back to work. In a way, can't wait. I hope I still know how to audit. :)

I didn't do much after my exam today. Wanted to shop for a Mother's Day present for my mom, but was feeling pretty tired (don't we all after an exam? :)), plus I was carrying my CA file which was pretty heavy. Oh yeah, then I was at Robinson's at City Hall, and was looking at the Clinique stuff. So I wanted to smell the Clinique Happy for men. Then I accidentally dropped it, luckily the bottle is already empty, and I still managed to catch it. The sales assistant came and she looked pretty bitchy. She must've thought I'm some poor student who probably can't afford to buy anything anyway. So I asked her whether she has any promotions for Mother's Day. At first I haven't finished my sentence and she said no already. Then I'm like...huh? Then when I finished my sentence she said, Oh, Mother's Day, yes. And she showed me two boxes, which I didn't buy after all coz I didn't like her face. All in all, I reckon she's a pretty rude bitch who doesn't know how to serve customers.

Then came home and used the net for a while then went to sleep. Quite a tiring day today. Exams always make u feel so sleepy. Still feeling tired now. Another day of work tomorrow...

2003-05-02T12:15:00.000-07:00

Its 3 am on a Saturday morning now. I shld be either studying for my CA exam on Tuesday or sleeping, but I just read Janice's blog and just cldn't sleep for a moment. So thought I'd update my blog for a while, since I haven't been doing so recently. I'm beginning to see a starck contrast between Singapoeans and Australians. I'm also missing Australia each day, esp now. All my cute ABC bois. Hehe. I thought of going there to visit my friends during my 1 week leave in June, but I think I've got other plans now. Wei Wei (Vira to some of u) asked me to go to Indonesia, to Jakarta, and then to Bali. So I've never been there, and I doubt I'd ever go under normal circumstances :P so I thought, hey, might as well. Been in Australia for the past 4 years of my life anyway. :) So I might be going there. Plans are not concrete yet. I'll confirm the agenda after my exams on Tuesday.

I don't know why, but I just don't have the mood to study. Its not like uni where I was so "kiasu" and had to study so much. I guess then, it was, u gotta study to pass the exams to get ur degree. Now, it's more like, its a u're already working, u're just doing this "by the side" so its not as stressful. I know its a bad perception, but just can't help it. I'll study tmr!

I miss Alvin too. I talked to him after my dance class just now. He said he won't see me till after my exams. :( Thats like 5 days man! How to survive? I'll try, but I know it'll be hard.

2003-04-28T08:40:00.000-07:00

Oh, forgot to tell u guys what happened during my dance class on Saturday. My partner and I were dancing the Cha Cha, and there was this step where she goes behind me, and I go behind me. I very simple step by all means. But I don't know what happened, when she was walking behind me, my right elbow accidentally hit her head. There was this very loud thud that her mom heard it as well above the music. I felt so bad!!! She started crying!! I was like...oh shit! And then I wanted to rub it for her, but she wouldn't let me. The teacher was saying, "See Julian. I told u not to dance by yourself. U have a partner. Now see what happened." Damn, felt VERY bad. And summore got ppl outside who saw. Damn! I kept apologising, and she was still crying. So I took her a tissue to wipe her tears and her sweat, and got her a drink. Poor girl. Wouldn't be surprised if she didn't wanna dance with me anymore also. But thank gawd, she forgave me after a very expensive treat at Olio Dome after class. But I still feel bad coz there's a really big bengkak on her left side of the forehead. :P

2003-04-27T09:16:00.000-07:00

Had a great Sunday. Well, was actually supposed to study, but then I went out with Alvin instead. :) We went to watch Johnny English. So damn funny! Alvin thought it was so dumb he wanted to whack Rowan Atkinson. Haha! And I just checked my account this morning, and I just got paid! I'm rich! Was so tempted to buy so many things! Saw work pants which I almost bought, but Alvin was like "Buy it if u really need it". Then I thought...hmmm....maybe I don't need it that bad. Damn! Forgot to buy socks. He said I have to change my socks more regularly...like everyday. Hmphhh! I don't have enough socks to change it everyday also. :P Then, I wanted to get a new phone...the Panasonic GD88. I saw at Bugis it was going for SGD 588 with a 2 year plan with M1. But when I went to Suntec today, it was SGD 798. Damn! I hope its still SGD 588 at Bugis. Then I can be like Jay. Haha! :)

Craving: Katong Laksa that Alvin had today....yummmm.....

2003-04-25T00:46:00.000-07:00

Hey! So many updates this week ar. :) But this time, there’s nothing much. Just that I’m bored at work coz got nothing to do, and I’m like quite lazy to study my CA. 2 more weeks till exam! :( Can’t wait for it to be over, then next sem I’ll be free coz I’m not taking any modules. You need at least 1 year working experience before u can take the technical modules. Besides, it’s tax, and I don’t think I wanna take tax that early. Then next sem, I can concentrate on my dancing, and spend more time with Alvin! :) Talking about Alvin, I’m gonna see him later. We’re gonna watch Johnnie English. Hehe. Can’t wait! And its so “ngam” coz initially, I was supposed to have a counselling group get together at Chijmes (i.e. colleagues from the same counselling partner at work). But then last minute, they cancelled it today. Then he was supposed to have the TV guy send his TV back, but the said he can only send it to Alvin tmr. So we’re both free! :)

Feeling: Excited! 3 more hours till I see Alvin again!

2003-04-23T02:04:00.000-07:00

Hi guys. Been a whirlwind of a ride for me since yesterday. But the good news is, we’re back together again, and I’m really happy!!! :)

Last night, I was so exhausted the whole day already, and was about to go to bed when I smsed Alvin this stupid poem I thought of on the spot. I can’t really remember it, but I guess it sorta did the trick, coz he msged me back and said that if I wanted to talk, to go to his office. Omg….I’ve never jumped out of my bed that fast before (except the other time when I was late for my Business Finance test, but that’s a different story), and changed. I took a cab to his office at Bugis. Then went up to his office, and he said wait, coz he had to do something, some bank thing. So I just sat there and waited and flipped through the magazines. Somehow, I was just contented being there next to him. But of course, the coldness that I cld feel that came from him was not a good feeling. So anyway, after what seemed like 10 years, he started packing, and switched off the lights and asked me to go hold the door so that light from outside can come in. Then we went out for a walk, and he was being such a bitch to me the whole time. I was like asking him stuff like why and stuff like that. Then he went to this pub and I followed. We sat outside. He ordered beer, and I don’t drink beer, so I just sat there. Then we talked, and he was still being a super bitch. Then in the end, I just cldn’t stand it anymore, I asked him when he was gonna return my shirt, then I just got up and left. Didn’t wanna face him anymore. My emotions were mixed with anger and sadness. Then I got a cab and headed home when he called. He said to turn back coz he wanted to take me back to make sure I go home safely. Urghhh…and I’m like thinking, stupid. Why do u even bother. But I don’t know why, I stupidly asked the cabby to turn back. So picked him up, and then he was sitting at the other end of the cab, and I was sitting at the other end, not wanting to look at him, I looked out of the window. Singapore is quite a beautiful place to be, when u’re with someone who’s equally as beautiful. :) Then the weirdest thing happened!! The radio that the cabby was tuned to was playing “Do You Really Wanna Hurt Me” by Boy George or something. I was like…omg…what irony. So I asked the uncle to change station. And that stupid (at that time I thought he was stupid) Alvin said “How apt”. I tried not to grin, but cldn’t help it, so I turned the other way to look out of the window again. I knew if we went back to my place, he wldn’t have enough money at that time to go back to his place coz he had to borrow money from me to pay for the beer. So I asked him how he’s gonna go home. Then he said he’ll have his way. And for a moment there, I thought, yeah, he’s gonna ask one of his other fuck buddies to pick him up. So we got off at my place, I didn’t want the cabby to drop me in front of my apartment, so I asked him to drop me a bit out. Also, I thought that it’d be easier for Alvin to get a cab from there also. So we got off, and I paid for the cab. Then I just out without even bothering abt him. And then (at that time, I thought) he started acting cute by telling me not to walk so fast and wait up and stuff. Obviously, I cldn’t be bothered, and just kept on walking. Then I asked him why he was following me, and to stop following me. Then he asked me to stop, but I didn’t as well. He caught up with me and pulled my shirt. Lucky is one of those shirts which I bought from Sungei Wang, otherwise I wld’ve just screamed at him. He said let’s go eat. And I ‘m like, go eat urself. And he’s like, I know u’re hungry. U haven’t eaten the whole day. At that time I’m like too pissed to even wonder how he knew I haven’t eaten the whole day. So I’m like whatever, and walked off. But in the end, he’s like, stop, and I actually stopped, and he’s like, look at me. Why would I wanna look at him right? And I’m like, what do u want? And he’s like, very hard to tell u with that face. I had this pretty stern face on. Then he’s like, let’s go eat. So I thought, geez….i’ll just go along, to make him happy then he can leave me alone. That, and also when I looked at him, and saw those eyes, my hatred for him just sorta melted A BIT. I hate him for that.

So we went, and on the way, I can’t remember what I asked him, but then I started breaking down (again! :P) and just crouched on the road. He’s like, asking me to get up, so I got up and walked towards the staircase, where I just sat there and sobbed my eyes out. He’s like trying to soothe me. Got some ppl walking by also. They must’ve thought, what the hell is happening here. So after a while, I picked myself together and stopped crying. He’s like, “fake crying. See, no mucus also”. And I’m like…whatever. Don’t need mucus to cry. So after a while, we continued our walk to the food centre at like 1 am, to find out it was closed. So I started to walk back. There’s a 7-11 nearby, then he asked me whether I wanted milk, then I told him that I’m lactose intolerant. Then he said he is too, so we’ll get diarrhoea together. Hehe…stupid. :) so I’m like, u know la, just playing cool, and I said whatever. Then he went and bought it. Then I reluctantly drank some. My heart was melting for him again as we walked on, but of course, as the prince I am, I just continued to play cool with him. We reached my lift and I’m like, bye…pushing him away, but he grabbed my hand and just entered. Hmpphh…. Mengambil kesempatan saja. :P then, reached my door, and I’m like byee….again. but he still came in. some ppl ar… then I’m like, fine, u’re gonna sleep on the floor. But he jumped on my bed (there goes my poor bed) and just lied there. I cldn’t be bothered. I just went n brushed my teeth. Then he wanted to shower so I gave him some clothes to change and a towel. He came out, and I was lying on the bed, ready to sleep already. Then he sat on the bed with me and just looked at me. And I’m like, what do u want now? Go sleep on the floor. But he just sat there and continued staring at me. And if there’s one thing that really makes him extremely attractive to me, is how sincere his eyes look. I don’t know what I started asking him, but we started talking, and I asked him something (I remember what I asked him, but I just can’t type it here for personal reasons) then I started crying again. Then HE started crying (oh no, he’s gonna kill me for this!). My pillow was wet then. Oh, and so was my sleeve. Then we made up, and I made him say sorry for hurting me, blah blah, then we went to sleep. My mind was telling me, u stupid fool. Don’t let him play with u again! But my heart was telling me the opposite. I guess in the end, my heart won. I still like him a lot.

Feeling: Tired, yet excited. Gonna see Alvin later!

2003-04-22T02:24:00.000-07:00

I’m very sad today. Alvin said he wants to break off. I just don’t know why. I just saw him yesterday and everything seemed fine. I brought porridge over for him coz he said he wasn’t feeling well in the stomach and even had an MC. I was thinking of him only so I forgot to buy food for myself. But it was ok coz I wasn't feeling that hungry anyway. I kinda surprised him coz I went there straight after work, well, even before work ended coz he had to give tuition at 8. Went there, called him, and he was out buying groceries nearby, so I waited like half an hour for him to come back. I was sitting on the floor outside his apt reading my CA stuff. When he came back, he looked really surprised to see me there. He was carrying a lot of groceries also. So we went in, and he said he was surprised to see me. Oh yeah, the previous night we were talking on the phone, he said he likes surprises, that’s why I chose to surprise him. Also coz I was worried abt him since he was ill. Anyway, we were cool then, then the tv guy came to fix his telly, and I went to his room to sleep for a while coz I was damn sleepy. Then, we went off in a cab coz he was already late for his tuition.

Then after his tuition, he called me. He sounded quite jovial over the line also, but I was half dead then coz it was like 10.30 and was really tired. So we talked for a while, then he said he was near my place! I was like really excited then, but then he said he was just joking. Potong stim only. Then he asked me when I’ll be sleeping, and I said after the call, then we bade each other good night and put the phone down. Then I went to sleep…as predicted. :P

Anyway, I woke up at around 7 for no apparent reason, and checked my phone. There were 2 sms msges. He msged me around 2 something. I was like…yay….msg from baby. But I got a pretty bad wake up shock when I read the msges. He said something like we’re going too fast, he’s afraid, etc etc. As I was still half awake, or rather 3/4s awake already (who wouldn’t after reading a msg like that!), I msged him back and asked him if he was joking or not. And he replied back that he wasn’t. Then I knew that he must not have had any sleep at all last night if he cld reply so fast. I was really upset then. I called him, he answered, and he said he was very tired coz he was suffering from insomnia the whole night and didn’t sleep. So I said ok, and put down the phone. Then, I dunno why, hasn’t happened to me in a looonnggg time, I just started crying. I was so hurt. I understand what Leslie Cheung must’ve went through when he jumped off the balcony. Not that I wanted to do that of course (I’m more sane than that!), but the pain and agony that he must’ve suffered that dying would’ve been the best way to relieve that pain.

Then, I dragged myself out of my tear-soaked bed and showered to get ready for work. It was a pretty rough day, and I had to pull myself together to get through. I cried at the office too, and hoped that no one saw. I’m wondering what happened? What did I do? Shld I have let him call me when he got bought from tuition last night? Shld I not have surprised him?

I msged him some pretty long msges trying to tell him that I’ll do anything to get him back. But he didn’t reply till just now, and said that he’s very tired and can’t be in a relationship. I kinda said something stupid then, like, then go to sleep la. Then he replied and said he wasn’t being cheeky. He borrowed my shirt on Friday to wear to Zouk also, so I asked to meet him so he cld return my shirt too. He said he’ll call me tmr to return it to me near my office tmr. But I wld rather he return this strong like that I have for him instead of my shirt. Please baby, if you're reading this, give me another chance. I'm just a boy, standing in front of another boy, wanting to be loved...

Feeling: Depressed, like I wanna cry, hungry too….haven’t eaten the whole day

2003-04-19T17:10:00.000-07:00

Had a wonderful weekend with my baby. We went to Ikea yesterday to shop around coz I said I haven't been to the Ikea here and I needed to get some stuff. CH, u got ur magazine holder from Ikea rite? The sorta zebra stripes one. I went and there wasn't any. :( So disappointed. My baby wanted to get so many things, but his cheque from his company hasn't cleared yet. Its so stupid k. Just coz its a start up, the owner is lagging behind in one month's salary. Told him to change company but he says he likes the work there, and besides, he's only been there for 2-3 months. Oh well, I guess sometimes it isn't the money thats of concern, but the satisfaction u get from doing the job. He wanted to get new sheets (and he rightfully shld!), so he's planning to get them the next time we go Ikea, which is like after my exams. But later, I'm going to go to Robinsons to get a set for him. :) I don't wanna be sleeping on unclean sheets!!!

Oh yeah, and then he was showing me his pics from a Tioman trip from November last year. My gawd! He was so freaking buff! With the 6 packs and arms and stuff. I was telling him that I was getting an erection just looking at those half naked pics of him. He lost some weight now coz recently been stressed with work, and not having regular meals. Poor baby... I said I'd want him to eat more regularly and not to go on a diet anymore coz I want him back to his old size. I bet if I put this pic of him half naked on the beach, u guys wld just die! Hehe. Too bad!! He's mine!! :) Haha, and there was something else that happened too, but its too graphical to put here. I'll tell Ian later when I see him online. Hehe. But I reckon he'll be too busy now since May Yee is there. :)

Zouk. Zouk was ok. They had a fashion show on that night, and we had front row seats. Hehe, the joys of being with someone in the magazine industry. So it was a Spring collection, and it was all swim/beach wear. Some of the guys were so freaking hot, and I was telling Alvin that. He didnt' seem to mind, but I realised that he's now my bf, and I shldn't say "that guy's hot" or something. So I'd just say, that guy's got a very good bod. Then got 2 whites who came out, and they were so fucking sexy ok! I was telling him that those guys are very good looking whites. He's such a sticky rice. He doesn't like whites, so he didn't think they were hot. Then later, back at his place, I asked him whether he wld want me to have a bod like those models. Then he's like "having you if good enough already. But if u've got a bod like that, it'll be a bonus". Hehe, such a sweetie rite? But I'm too lazy to work out la. But I wanna make my baby happy, so I'll TRY to work out. Gotta match him rite? :) Anyway, the next time I'll be seeing him is next weekend :( Miss him like hell already last night, coz I had dance practice, then I stayed with my partner at the Raffles City Hotel coz there's a competition on today (we're not taking part) and her mom's one of the organising committee so they have a hotel room. Oh well, at least there'll be something I'll look forward to next weekend. :)

Craving: Alvin :)
Current emotion: Tired, yet missing Alvin

2003-04-18T04:38:00.000-07:00

Guess what? I'm now seeing someone. hehe. He's sooo nice! He stayed over, and he cancelled two appointments today to be with me! :) I like him sooo much. And he respects me for who and what I am. He doesn't want me to change who I am, or what I do. I'm a bit fussy tho. I want him to quit smoking. He said he's just got one more stick and he'll smoke that and then stop already. It kinda sucks kissing a smoker. Now that I've tried, its really like kissing an ash tray (Read Zlynn: Stop smoking!). Like even though he didn't smoke today, last night he smoked a few, the smell still lasted in his breath, coz I think it was like from the lungs. Lemme see, how do I describe him? He's 25, like an inch or 2 taller than me, has a bod like Clifton (hehe Zlynn, u can keep him now :)), uses the same facial care products as me (Dermalogica and Lab Series), works in the publishing business, very intelligent, very loving, very understanding....the list goes on. What else? Hehe. he's just been gone 30 mins and I miss him already. Gonna meet him at Zouk later coz he's there for some Media Launch or something, and he's got free passes, so of course who else is there to take but me? :)Then gonna stay over at his place tonight. The good thing is that he stays with another gay housemate, so we won't have to hide anything. I felt quite bad, coz I was like trying to hide him from the aunty I stay with. But dunno where she went leh today, coz she left before lunch and I haven't seen her since. Must've went out with her sister or something. but thats good, gave us time to be together. I think I'm such a Su Jen man. haha, so sticky. Gotta learn how to survive on my own two feet. But I can't help it. everytime I see him, I just wanna hug him. :)

2003-04-13T08:14:00.000-07:00

Gosh, feeling so tired now. Haven't had a good night's sleep for like 3 nights coz was frantically preparing for my CA focus session during the weekend. Now it's all over. Ahhhh...but my whole weekend's been wasted. But I guess the good thing is that I didn't spend any money on shopping and other "un-necessaries" (though CH would call them "must-haves"). Then I saw one of my course mates wearing this pair of Diesel sneakers, and I was like, hey, those are nice man! Where did u get them from? ANd he's like, Bugis Junction. And I'm like...whoaa!!! Serious? How much? Bloody $90+ only k! And they're originals, coz the store was closing down. Damn! Didn't know. I think I've gotta start shopping there already man....

Current emotion: Tired
Craving: Sleep

2003-04-10T04:57:00.000-07:00

Just woke up. Feeling groggy, and hungry. Haven't had dinner yet. Today was quite cool. I went to work at around 10 am and my senior wasn't there yet. Then I remembered that he said that he'll be going in to the office. So it was just me and my colleague, who was a grade higher than me. We spent the entire day talking and doing our own stuff. Which was pretty cool, coz I got to read my CA stuff for the focus session during the weekend. Anyway, the senior later called at 2 pm and said that he won't be coming in. Yippee! I went home then. Actually, I went shopping. Of course, it didn't help that my client is located right smack in the middle of Orchard Road. I'm at Wheelock Place. So I went shopping at Tangs, I tried on this FCUK shirt which I thought was really nice, but when I tried it on, there was nothing really special about it that would let me part with $89. So I decided not to get it. I went to get this necklace and bracelet instead. The sale assistant remembered me from yesterday, and he's pretty hot. Quite muscular and all....mmm...he even has a tatoo on his right arm...I so wanted to bring him into the changing room to fuck. Anyway, I then tried on this necklace, and he offered to put it on for me, and he was putting it on from the front ok? Honestly, who puts necklaces on from the front? But he was very close to me, and I felt quite excited. Hehe. I could've kissed him there and then. :) But I didn't la... Anyway, then I went down to the cosmetics and I bought from Lab Series a facial scrub and some eye treatment thing which takes care of eyebags. And the nice sales woman gave me free moisturiser and facial wash also. Buy 2 get 2 free. :) Total spent at Tangs = $100. Phew...gotta start eating bread from now on.

2003-04-09T06:10:00.000-07:00

I went back to KL, which was pretty fun. I got to see Steph, Marcus, Sharon, Teng Chui, May Yee, Terrence. Was pretty good, except I didn't get to go clubbing coz I was ill...pretty bad cough. Still have it now. Wonder when it'll subside. I need to kiss people u know! And I'm still pretty responsible...I don't kiss when I'm ill. Tho right now, I only wanna kiss one person- the person whom I wrote about previously. :) I can't believe I still think about him! Geez...am I sad or what? Oh well, as the saying goes, it takes a minute to like someone, but a lifetime to forget.

What else? Oh, must complain about my bitchy client. I reckon she's the worst I've ever had. Thank god this is a final year client, coz the company has gone dormant. I'll scream if they book me next year to audit them. Yesterday, I asked for fixed deposit slips to vouch rite, and she fucking threw them at me ok! She's like, u guys shld've seen this during the interim, now we're so busy u ask us for all this. Like fucking bitch! If we asked u for it during the interim would u have had them? Geez...but I've gotta remain bloody professional and put up with it. When this audit finishes and I see her outside, I'll open the door for her, and slam it on her damn face. And u know whats ironic? Her name's Candy. Supposed to be sweet....my ass! I call her sour face (I omit the bitch when I talk about her to my colleagues coz u know la...gotta remain professional. urghhh...).

2003-04-01T20:14:00.000-08:00

Ooh, my first blog! How interesting. I'm like sitting in the office doing nothing now. Was just typing up my stocktake report just now. Finally had the time to do it now coz was pretty busy yesterday. n i was sick too. didn't have time to see the doctor till 5.00 pm yesterday. And she didn't give me a MC for today! Damn! Thats why I'm in bloody office today. Summore I've got sorethroat and runny nose. Today got cough, but runny nose much better...doesn't drip like a tap anymore. Was afraid it was SARS, but doctor said it wasn't, coz I don't have a fever. *phew* And I was due to go back to KL tonight too, so if I can't go, it'll be pretty bad...gotta get quarantined at home. :( I'll rest in KL. Got people to take care of me there. Hehe.

I just wanna also say that I miss someone very very much. I thought I could forget about that person after a while, but I still think of him every other minute. Always wondering how he's doing, how he's feeling and all that. *sigh* I guess my love life is just cursed. Just as I thought that something good has happened to me, the very next day, something very bad happens, and I can't see him anymore. I do hope he gets to read this and know how much he means to me. I'll be there for him every step of the way in the troubling period. Take care babe...